Single-Parents.net

HOW MUCH SLEEP DO CHILDREN NEED?

Children sleep on average:

• Infants - average about 17 hours, with very wide variation.
• One year olds - sleep about 12 hours a night and may have 2 day sleeps.
• Pre - schoolers - sleep about 10-13 hours a night. By five, most of them have given up their day sleep.

Remember that children's sleep needs are individual and can vary a lot from the average pattern. If you want to check roughly how much sleep your own child needs, keep a sleep chart for a few days. Write down exactly how long your child sleeps. Whatever average amount you come to is probably about how much sleep your child needs. Remember that as your child grows, her sleep time will get shorter.

HOW WELL DO CHILDREN SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT?

We often read in books that children sleep through the night from six to eight months old. While some children can sleep through because they can last longer between feeds, and hunger does not wake them, many still wake once, or twice or sometimes several times overnight. Many children wake in the lighter periods of sleep, just as we all wake (or almost wake). Then they turn over and go back to sleep. Remember that children have more of these lighter periods of sleep than adults. Many children haven't yet learned how to go back to sleep. Or perhaps, like adults, something is bothering them, so they are can't settle back to sleep and they cry.

HOW OFTEN DO CHILDREN WAKE AT NIGHT?

Research reported in the Medical Journal of Australia in 1994 shows that by twelve months of age, only 38% of babies are sleeping through the night. 49% are waking once or twice a night and another 10% are waking 3 or 4 times a night. Between the ages of two and three, 41% of young children are waking once or twice a night, with a few still waking more often. So if your preschool child is waking at night you are not on your own! There is a very wide range of what is normal.

NIGHT WAKING

Causes of waking at night
The following are probably the most common causes of young children waking at night.

• Pain - pain such as earache or teething may wake children at night. If the waking is due to pain the child may not settle even if you are there to comfort her.
• Discomfort - too hot or too cold or thirsty or wet bed.
• Being in a pattern of waking.
• Being in a light phase of sleep so that something like a noise rouses the child into being fully awake.

Causes of not being able to settle back to sleep
All children have times at night when they sleep more lightly or wake up. Some learn to settle back to sleep by themselves, but in the early years many children are not able to do this easily. Apart from pain and discomfort there are other reasons why children may not go back to sleep.

• Separation anxiety is a very common reason for children under three crying at night. By eight or nine months, children have learned that their parents exist even if they can't see them. However the inner confidence to be able to feel secure when their parents are not there is still developing until three or four years of age. Night waking usually drops off quickly after this. You can tell if your child is waking due to separation anxiety because if you are nearby to reassure him, he will settle back to sleep.
• Worries - children very quickly pick up feelings and happenings in the family - new baby, change in child care, parents' arguments, health problems. Worries such as these may prevent a child going back to sleep, without reassurance from a parent.
• Not knowing how to settle back to sleep - sometimes children who have always been rocked or nursed to sleep find it hard to settle back to sleep when they are in their own beds. They haven't learned how to go to sleep on their own.
• Getting the time of day wrong - a few preschool children do not seem to have learned yet that night time is for sleeping. They wake at night all fired up and ready to play.

If parents know that night waking is normal in the early years it will remove some of the stress. But parents also need their sleep and so you need to look at some of the things you can do to make sure that your sleep is as unbroken as possible.

What parents can do about night waking.
Depending on the cause of the waking, here are some tips to try.

• Make going-to-bed time relaxed and comfortable.
• When you go to bed yourself, go into your child's room, touch her gently and tell her you love her and you are caring for her (say this at bedtime as well).
• If your child is worried or afraid about being separated from you, try putting a fold-up bed in her room. You can lie down near her while she goes back to sleep (and get some rest yourself).
• Take turns with your partner to get up at night.
• Move your child's cot into your bedroom so you can comfort her without getting up.
• Taking your toddler into your bed to sleep with you will not cause a lifetime habit. If you do this you need to make sure that both parents are happy about it. It is important to make sure that the child's head does not go under the bedclothes.
• You might want to find somewhere else for lovemaking with your partner if your child is sleeping in your room all night.
• Make sure your child has a comforting toy such as her dummy or special blanket.
• Put a foam mattress and sleeping bag near your bed so an older child can come in and sleep near you if she is afraid.
• Night time waking is a time for comfort and re-settling, not a time for getting out of bed for play or anything else exciting. Be comforting but boring. Don't respond to any games.
• If your toddler won't lie down you can hold her down firmly with an arm along her back until she relaxes. This gives a message that you are there for her but that it is time to settle down.
• Sedatives may be useful in some cases but always discuss this with your doctor first.
• Some parents use controlled comforting to change their child's sleep patterns. If you wish to use controlled comforting it is best to do it after a proper assessment to work out what is causing the night-time crying. For toddlers, night waking can be caused by separation anxiety. Controlled comforting can make the child more upset. Controlled comforting needs to be something that both you and your child can cope with without getting too distressed. If you use it and your child becomes very distressed, look at other ways to settle him.

GOING TO BED AND WAKING EARLY PROBLEMS

The other problem that parents sometimes have with young children is getting them to bed. A few parents have problems at the other end of the day with a child who wants to be up with the roosters while parents need that extra hour's sleep.

Causes of going to bed early problems
There are lots of different reasons for going-to-bed problems. Going to bed means going off on your own and leaving all the interesting things that are happening in the home. In many cultures this does not happen. Children sleep in or near the action! Parents in our society are often tired at the end of the day and need some time to themselves. Children don't always have the chance to nap just whenever they feel like it so they need their sleep at night. Here are some other causes of going to bed problems.

• Fears about being left alone.
• Not wanting to miss out on whatever the people who are still up are doing.
• Not tired yet. You can tell if the problem is due to being frightened or not being ready to sleep. If your child is not tired and you wait until later he will probably go off to bed happily. If the problem is fear or worry, no matter what time you put him to bed he will be unhappy.
• Too much excitement before bedtime, or a very busy day.
• Lack of going-to-bed routine.
• Daylight saving.
• Going to bed too early! You can't have it both ways. Your toddler only needs a certain amount of sleep. If you like him to sleep in in the morning you might have to put up with later bedtime.

What parents can try for going to bed and early morning problems
There are some things you may not have any control over, like daylight saving. However there are lots of things you can do.

• Make sure your child has a regular bedtime that gets later as he needs less sleep.
• Use relaxing bedtime routines every night; such as a bath, story, saying goodnight to the family and pets and a special cuddle. Tuck your child in with his special cuddly toy if he has one. Keep bedtime activities calm and quiet.
• If your child is more attached to one parent it sometimes helps if that parent has special time with the child before bedtime. Then the other parent puts him to bed.
• Some things that help children feel less lonely include:
  • leaving the light on
  • leaving the door open
  • playing soft music
  • leaving a radio on softly.
• Some children cannot settle unless a parent stays with them. If you decide to do this don't sneak out without telling your child. This keeps children tense and on edge in case you do it again. You might try saying you have to go into another room to do something and you will be back very soon. Make sure you do come back very soon. If your child accepts this you can start taking a bit longer before you come back, but make sure that you always do. This builds trust.
• You could make putting your child to bed time for your own relaxation time. Take a book to read and sit on a chair near your child. You are there, but not doing anything that might disturb your child. If you want to, over a few nights you could gradually move your chair nearer to the door. Eventually you will be able to put it outside the door so your child can hear you but not see you. This way your child gradually learns to settle when you are not there.
• Sometimes children will settle where the action is, and can be carried to their own beds later. They grow out of this.
• If you decide that you want your child to go to bed a bit earlier and you don't mind if he wakes a bit earlier too, try putting him to bed a quarter of an hour earlier. Sleep rhythms take some time to change so you can expect to wait for about two weeks before you see any real change in sleep behaviour. Then, if that works, you might try another quarter of an hour. You can do the same with putting him to bed later to see if that will help him sleep longer in the morning.

REMINDERS

• Everyone's sleep need is individual. You can't make rules on the basis of age.
• Sleep problems are often more to do with where the child sleeps, rather than whether the child sleeps. Sleeping alone for babies and young children is not the only way. It is part of our Australian society to have separate bedrooms for children.
• What you do about your child's night waking depends on what you feel comfortable with, and what will help your child feel secure and able to move on to the next stage of growing up.
• Children usually grow out of night waking by the time they are three or four. This is the age when they are likely to be old enough to feel more secure when they are by themselves. Many grow out of it before this.