Single-Parents.net

Child abuse is not new. For centuries children have been abused. As we understand more about human development we have come to learn that what happens in our childhood has an enormous impact on our adult lives. Attitudes are changing so that we now look at babies and children as 'people who have the right to be protected'.

In recent years the media has given us stories of extreme cases of child abuse. We as a society are now talking more freely about this topic which not so long ago was taboo.

IMPORTANT NOTE:

• If you are concerned about a child being abused get advice from a professional in the area (see Resources) about what you should do. You may be the only person in a position to protect the child.
• If a child has been abused, siblings and friends may also be at risk.
• Children rarely make up stories of being sexually abused
• Never promise that you will keep everything a child says to you in confidence. You can say that you will keep it in confidence unless there is something that you need to tell to keep the child safe.

WHAT IS CHILD ABUSE?

Broadly speaking, child abuse is about an adult harming a child. In South Australia the law states that a child is a person under the age of 18 years.

Child abuse can occur through someone doing something hurtful or by someone not doing something to provide for or protect a child.

PHYSICAL ABUSE

This is when a child's body is injured. This can be through punching, hitting, beating, shaking, biting, burning or any actions which result in a child's body being harmed. It can be seen in bruising, swellings, welts and broken bones.

Is physical punishment child abuse?
This is a common question without a nice neat answer. Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes physical punishment can go too far and crosses the line from being 'reasonable' and 'moderate' and causes a child's body to be injured. This may be anything from mild bruising through to death.

In South Australia the 'Common Law' allows physical punishment as long as it is 'reasonable' and 'moderate'. Over the years judges have made the decisions about each case. It is fair to say that there are different views about what is or is not 'reasonable' and 'moderate' physical punishment. It is understandable that many parents are confused.

It helps to put yourself in your child's shoes and think about what it would feel like. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself: 'Would I like someone to do this to me?'and 'Will what I'm doing really make a difference to the behaviour?'

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Emotional abuse is behaviour towards a child which destroys self-esteem, confidence and a child's sense of worth. It includes constant criticism, belittling, blaming, 'put-downs', withdrawal of affection, ignoring and excessive teasing. A child can be left feeling worthless, unlovable and lacking self confidence.

NEGLECT

Neglect is the failure to provide a child with the basic needs such as food, shelter, clothing, hygiene, education, adequate supervision, and medical and dental care.

SEXUAL ABUSE

Sexual abuse involves a child in sexual activity. Sexual abuse includes sexual suggestions, exhibitionism, inappropriate touching in private parts of the body, masturbation, oral sex and penetration of the genital or anal areas with an object, penis or any other part of the body.

It is not uncommon for a person who sexually harms an adult partner to do the same to children in the house.

Child sexual abuse includes touching which is of a sexual nature and this should not be confused with the caring touch between a child and trusted adult. Caring touch is essential for a child's healthy growth and development.

WHO ABUSES CHILDREN?

People - from a wide range of groups. They do not have anything about them that makes them look different from anybody else. They can be parents, grandparents, older brothers and sisters, uncles, aunties, neighbours, teachers, leaders in organisations such as sporting clubs and churches, child care workers, babysitters.

Most people who abuse children do not see themselves as abusers or what they do as abusive. In fact, many people might say that it was for the child's own good or that it was a helpful learning part of their upbringing.

Parents, especially, often say they do not mean to hurt their child and many are filled with remorse and guilt afterwards.

WHY ARE CHILDREN ABUSED?

The causes of child abuse are many and varied. Here are some.

• Stress, tiredness, loneliness or feeling sick can cause parents to hurt their children.
• Sometimes parents find managing their own life difficult even without the demands of being a parent. Parents may 'lash out' physically or verbally towards their children when feeling under pressure.
• Sometimes parents expect too much of their child. This can cause very caring parents to put pressure on themselves and their child to achieve things which may not be possible or necessary such as thinking their baby should not cry.
• Some parents think that physical punishment is the only way to discipline and the physical punishment goes too far. Parents may not know any other method to try . . . this may be the way that they were brought up.
• Sometimes, but not always, people who have been severely abused as children will grow up to abuse others who seem weak and less powerful.
• Some adults are sexually 'turned on' by children rather than adults. Paedophiles (child molesters) knowingly seek out and perform sexual acts with children or young people for their own pleasure. Sometimes they believe that if they are not violent or openly forceful towards the child, then they are not being abusive. They often believe that if the child does not resist then the child is consenting. Most paedophiles know they are breaking the law.
• Sometimes parents misunderstand children's actions. They may think their child is trying to 'get at' or manipulate them when the child is really trying to express a need (eg a toddler may cry because he is in pain and needs comfort whereas a parent who is busy may think he is doing it to get his own way).

There are many people who harm children without deliberately setting out to do so, but there is never any excuse for abusing children.

EFFECTS OF CHILD ABUSE?

• One of the most damaging things about child abuse is that it is usually done by a person the child trusts. Young children especially, who look up to and believe in the adults who are important in their lives, will often put up with all sorts of treatment.
• Any abuse - no matter how serious or minor - is likely to have some effect.
• It is difficult to measure how a child will be harmed. It is difficult to measure whether effects will be short term or long lasting. The extent of the harm can vary depending on how bad the abuse is, how often it happens and if the child feels believed when speaking out. Sometimes the abuse may be brought out into the open only to continue again. Then a child is left feeling very helpless and powerless and even more distrusting of adults.
• Children in homes where there is a lot of fighting between adults are at risk of being abused. They may be physically abused themselves or may be harmed trying to protect another person.
• Children may be emotionally damaged by witnessing harm or the constant belittlement of a loved and trusted parent.
• Some children feel responsible for the abuse.

Research tells us that there are not likely to be long term effects for a child who lives in a loving home where there is an occasional outburst or an occasional light smack. The danger here is that adults can have different views about what is 'light', and what is 'light' to an adult might not be 'light' to a child.

We do know that these things play a part:

• Age of the child. For example, hitting a 10 year old may cause physical and emotional harm; hitting a baby can cause broken bones or even death.
• Length of abuse. The longer children endure abuse and the earlier in their life it starts, the greater the risk to children's emotional, physical or sexual health and development.
• Frequency of abuse. Children who are frequently and regularly abused can grow up thinking that being abused or abusing others is normal and okay. They may become bullies in the schoolyard or use the same methods on their own children later or seek relationships with people who abuse them.
• The personality of the child. Everyone copes with upset and pain in different ways and children are no exception. Some children will try to cope with abuse by keeping it 'inside' or by pretending they are not being hurt. Others will be outspoken, 'act out' or take action to try to make it stop. Children in the same family can be affected differently.
• The presence of caring adults. Whether the abuse is minor or life-threatening, children who are abused need adults to protect them from future harm. They also need to know that the abuse is not their fault. The presence of caring adults in a child's life can help to counter the damage that is caused by child abuse.

If you are finding that you have outbursts of anger against your children that you can't control, it is important to get help.

WHAT THE LAW SAYS.

Different countries have different laws about child abuse. In South Australia since 1977 there has been legislation to report suspicions of child abuse. At present the law states that certain people must report their concerns if they have reasonable grounds to suspect a child has been or is being abused. This covers doctors, nurses, dentists, psychologists, police, probation officers, social workers, teachers, family day carers, and people who work in places where services are provided to children. People in the community have a moral obligation to report their suspicions. The Department of Human Services is the organisation required by law to investigate reports of child abuse and to see that children are safe and protected.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

• The job of keeping children safe belongs to adults.
• Make sure your children know that you are always ready to listen and support.
• Don't force children to be with someone they show they are afraid of.
• Don't let pride or shame stand in the way of protecting your child. It is never too early or too late to ask for help.
• Some parents are lucky enough to have friends or family to go to for help and advice. Others don't. Some may be on their own or may not want to talk to friends or family.
• Contacting a teacher, doctor or professional who works with children may be the first step. This can be scary and takes courage but it is usually very helpful once the step is taken.
• Get ideas about managing your child's behaviour from books or articles in magazines or parenting courses. Try out and use what feels comfortable for you and your child.
• If something your child says or does makes you believe she may be being abused, don't panic. Encourage, but don't force your child to speak about it. Listen carefully and show your belief even if you are shocked. Above all, let your child know that what has happened is not her fault.
• 'Listen' to your child's behaviour as well as the words. If she is angry, upset, or showing major behaviour changes or physical signs of being hurt, try to find out what is wrong. It may not be abuse - but something is going wrong in her life.
• If you think you know who may be abusing your child make sure that your child is not left alone with that person. Don't confront the person without talking to an expert first.
• Many schools and preschools teach 'protective behaviours' which help children learn ways to help keep themselves safe. Even though the job of keeping children safe belongs to adults, 'protective behaviours' training can help children to know the early warning signs of fear and what to do. Talk to your child's teacher about 'protective behaviours' if it is taught at your child's school.
• You can get help and advice from the numbers below if you have a suspicion that a child may be being abused. Often we feel more comfortable not getting involved in someone else's problem. Stop and think that you may be the only person that could make a difference to this child's life. Child abuse is never excusable.

HELPING TO STOP CHILD ABUSE?

Everyone in the community needs to value children. We show we care by the way we treat children:

• treat children as people
• speak respectfully to children
• take seriously what they have to say (you don't have to agree)
• don't push in front of children in queues or shops
• take action if you are concerned that a child is not safe.