Biting is fairly common amongst young children and it
is one of the things that worries adults most. Biting is often
very painful and frightening for the child who is bitten. It can
also be frightening for the child who bites, because it upsets
the other child and makes adults very angry. Biting can make the
child who bites feel very powerful because of the strong reaction
that it brings. This feeling of power can also be frightening for
children because they need to feel secure that their feelings can
be controlled.
WHAT CAUSES BITING?
There are four different kinds of biting.
EXPERIMENTAL BITING
Biting is the way that infants explore the world. They put
everything into their mouths. At some stage many infants will try
biting the breast when they are feeding or biting a parent or
carer. Sometimes it almost seems like a game to the child.
What you can do for experimental biting
Don't let children see that you think it is funny or a
game. Say firmly: "No! Biting hurts." Remove them
quickly from the breast or arm or whatever they are biting.
Infants and toddlers will usually soon learn not to bite in this
situation. When children are teething they need lots of things to
bite on because often their gums feel sore. Give them things that
they can safely bite on eg teething rings.
BITING FROM FRUSTRATION
Frustration happens when children get into situations that
they can't handle. Children under three or so are not usually
ready to play in a cooperative way with other children in groups.
If they are in a group and another child takes their toy they may
respond by hitting or biting. They have not yet learned other
ways to cope. If biting gets a strong response, which is likely,
they will see that it is successful and may try it again.
Sometimes, too, the youngest children bite when they are playing
with others who are bigger and stronger than they are.
What you can do about biting from frustration
- If you can, get in first and cut down the situations that
the child cannot cope with. Try to keep group play to
short periods and small groups. Watch for situations
where two children might want the same toy and step in
first to distract them.
- Children in this situation need close adult supervision,
especially if they are known to bite. However even the
best supervision, unless it is one-to-one, will not
prevent some children from getting in a quick bite.
- If your child does bite, say firmly "We don't bite,
biting hurts" and remove him immediately from the
situation. Keep him with an adult for a while. The child
needs you to understand his feelings and start teaching
him to manage them differently. This takes a long time to
learn. Feelings are very hard for young children to
control. You might say something like "You were very
cross when Peter took your truck" or "You
wanted to play with the truck. If you feel cross tell me
and I will help you".
FEELING POWERLESS
Often it is the youngest child in the family who bites. The
older children seem stronger and more able to get what they want
and the youngest feels small and powerless. The same can happen
in groups. The child can then discover that biting is a way of
getting some power in the situation.
What you can do about biting because of feeling powerless
- The first step is to try to make sure that the child's
needs are protected so she doesn't need to bite. Make
sure that she is not getting the worst of the deal.
- If she is playing with older children explain to them how
the younger one might be feeling. Get their help to make
things more equal.
- If biting happens between very young children more adult
help is needed. Try to get in first and make sure that
the needs of the less powerful child are taken care of.
- Make separate play places for older and younger children
if necessary.
- If the child has already bitten, quickly tell her that
she is not to bite and remove her from the situation.
Keep her with you for a while before letting her return.
BITING UNDER STRESS
Biting often occurs when a child is under emotional stress
that she cannot handle. This biting is an expression of distress
and pain and the child may seem very upset or angry. Young
children are not easily able to know what they are feeling. They
just act!
What you can do about biting under stress
- Try to find out what is causing the stress if you can.
Keep a watch on when the biting happens and what is
happening just before. For example one child always bit
someone when a new child arrived at the playgroup and
took the leader's attention. Another child started biting
soon after his much loved grandfather had died.
- It isn't always possible to remove the cause of the
stress, but sometimes if you can work out what is
triggering the biting, you can get in first.
- The child will need help to find other ways to express
his feelings through play and stories.
When the child bites, remove him from the situation promptly
and respond as above. Sometimes it helps to offer something else
to bite on. Offer as much comfort as you can at other times.
REMINDERS
- Plan ahead if possible to avoid situations where you know
your child might bite.
- Respond promptly, firmly and calmly to biting.
- Show your disapproval, remove him from the situation and
help him find another outlet for his feelings.
- Don't bite back. This is terrifying for the child and
teaches the very thing you don't want him to learn.
- Give your child positive attention every day to build up
his self esteem.
