Single-Parents.net

WHAT CAUSES HABITS?

• Some habits come because the child is learning to deal with the stresses of growing in a scary world - eg sucking a dummy is a way that children learn to feel safe in new situations. They give these habits up when they are older and feel more secure.
• Some habits start, or continue, because the child is stressed about something that is happening in his life. The habits are a way of children comforting themselves. They are a sign that something is going wrong for your child so you need to think about what it could be.
• Some habits are because something feels good and the child hasn't yet learned that it isn't something that is done in public eg masturbation.
• Some habits are due to a particular problem such as developmental delay eg continuing to eat dirt after the age of two or so.

Note: Sometimes little rewards can encourage a child who is trying to overcome a habit, but punishment never works because it makes the child more worried and more likely to need the comfort of the habit.

• Young children may suck on a dummy or thumb or special piece of blanket when they need comfort eg at bedtime or in new situations (sometimes a lot of the time when they are about 1-2 years of age).
• The comforter is one of the ways they use to learn to manage without a parent always being there to look after them.
• Usually children give up their comforters by about four years of age when they feel more secure in the world.
• It is not helpful to take away children's comforters while they still need them (especially from one and two year olds) because it can make them more anxious and upset. Even if they say you can give it to the fairies they don't really understand that that means they cannot have it any more.
• You can help children to give comforters up when you can see they are needing them less. Try suggesting they put the comforter somewhere safe (eg under their pillow) while they are busy playing and just get it when they need it. It should still be in the child's control, or they can get it themselves, and not have to ask for it.
• Some children feel embarrassed to take their comforter to preschool with them but still need it in this new situation. Try pinning it inside your child's pocket so he can hold it when he needs to.
• If your child is still using his comforter a lot after four, you need to be thinking about whether you need to make his life less stressful.
• Dummies do not do any damage to children's permanent teeth if they give them up before six or so. Thumb sucking is harder to give up; and if your child is still sucking his thumb a lot in the primary school years it would be a good idea to talk to your dentist about it. (See COMFORTERS for more information)

HEAD BANGING AND ROCKING

About 5-15% of children bang their heads when they have no health problems. It usually begins at about 9 months of age and stops before 4 years. Some bang their heads for only a few minutes, while others may go for several hours. More boys than girls bang their heads.

Head banging is hardly ever because of developmental problems. It may begin because of an ear infection, teething or emotional upsets such as anger or stress. Often there is no clear cause. At times children even seem to be enjoying it, even though it must be painful.

Usually children don't harm themselves with head banging but if it happens so much that it interferes with your child's play or going to sleep it needs to be treated seriously. Try to find out whether there is any reason for your child to feel upset or stressed and deal with the reason. Have a check with your doctor as well.

• Have a check with your doctor to make sure there is no underlying health problem.
• Pad the end of the cot so your child does not get bruised (make sure the padding is firm and your child could not get his head caught in it).
• Scolding and punishment never help.
• Give your child more loving attention when he is awake.
• Distract him by picking him up and comforting him, but don't mention the head banging.
• Have some loving, happy bedtime routines before bed every night.
• Try not to put your child down to sleep until he is really ready to sleep.
• Try other relaxing activities such as massage or stroking when you find him head banging.

Note: ROCKING is similar to head banging and can be treated in a similar way.

BREATH HOLDING

About one in every twenty-five children under the age of five hold their breath until they start to go blue or pale. It usually starts between six months and two years of age and can happen rarely or several times a day. Each breath holding attack is usually started by anger or frustration or pain, such as when your child falls over and hurts himself, or when you say "no" to something he wants.

There are two kinds of breath holding, one where the child goes blue and the other where the child is very pale. Most children have the kind where they go blue, some have both kinds. Children may become unconscious, have a brief convulsion (fit) or vomit. There are usually no health problems causing the breath holding and the breath holding does not damage the child's health.

• Have your child checked by a doctor to make sure that what is happening is breath holding and not a health problem.
• Place your child down on her side if she is unconscious and comfort her when she comes round. Try not to give her too much attention after a breath holding attack, so that she is not 'rewarded' for the behaviour.
• Reassure your other children that your child is not ill and in no danger.
• If you are driving in a car when it happens, stop, so you and your child will be safe from accidents.
• Remember that breath holding is scary for you, but it will not hurt your child and it is important not to always 'give in' to the child to avoid it happening.
• Make sure that your child is not in a situation where her life is too stressful. Children need lots of parental time and affection as well as freedom to play and explore and not too many "no's".

NOSE PICKING

Nose picking is something that most children do (and many adults too!) and something that parents often find difficult to deal with. Children usually pick their nose to remove dried mucus that is irritating them. It can also happen with children who have rhinitis (allergy to house dust mite) which causes itchiness in the nose. These children may continually rub or pick their noses. There are usually no health problems from nose picking except perhaps nose bleeds occasionally. Most children stop doing it, at least in public, as they grow older and learn that it is not something that is done in public. Sometimes it may continue on, either because of continued irritation (rhinitis) or because of other stresses in your child's life.

• Continually focusing on it or getting cross with your child is likely to make him anxious and make it worse.
• Gentle reminders should help your child to remember gradually that it is not OK to do in public.
• Teach your child how to use a tissue to clean his nose and make sure there is always a tissue handy.
• Using petroleum jelly to soften the mucus will help if your child's nose is uncomfortable.
• Parents can feel embarrassed if their children do this in public. A quick request for the child to hold something for you can sometimes avoid this, or, if the child is older, a secret signal between the two of you to remind him that he is doing it.

TEETH GRINDING

About 15% of children and young people (and some adults) grind their teeth while they are asleep. Often they clench their jaws together very tightly. With some children this can cause their jaws to ache or cause headaches. If it continues and is very severe it can also damage the teeth. Because this happens during sleep, the behaviour cannot be changed by rewards or punishments.

• Do not criticise your child or wake her up to stop her doing it. This is likely to make it worse.
• Make sure that bedtime routines are relaxing so your child goes to sleep feeling relaxed.
• Think about what is happening in your child's world and try to remove any stresses that could be worrying your child.
• If it continues or is severe have a check with your dentist. If the teeth are being damaged or an older child is having headaches, a type of mouth guard may be recommended.

Teeth grinding in babies

• Babies can sometimes rub their gums together or "grind their teeth" when new
  teeth are growing and starting to come through. 
• The back teeth, or molars, usually begin to grow around 12 months of age. 
• When these new teeth appear it can sometimes be uncomfortable for the baby. It can also make the baby feel imbalanced if the molars do not come in on each side at the same time. 
• As babies like to explore new things, the grinding action can be the childs way of feeling the new changes happening inside the mouth. 
• Rubbing the gums together may also relieve some of the discomfort caused by the new teeth coming through the gums. 
• This is normal in babies and will probably subside by 2 years of age when all the teeth have come through.

It is best to monitor your baby and watch for any other signs of discomfort and if you are worried please contact your local dentist.

NAIL BITING

Many children bite their nails. It usually starts in the toddler years and often continues into adolescence with about one in five university students still biting their nails. If it is severe it can cause bleeding and infection but generally it does not cause any health problems. Children with flaky nails seem to be more likely to bite them.

• Stopping nail biting can be very hard.
• Continually reminding and criticising your child is likely to make it worse.
• Sometimes putting mittens on your child at night may help.
• Giving the child something else to do with his hands when relaxing or watching TV can help.
• Give your child encouragement and praise for small successes.
• Giving special nail care for older children eg manicures and nail varnish can sometimes help.
• Some people find bitter paints on nails helps, but this can be very unpleasant for a child, and often does not work.
• Try to remove any stresses that could be worrying your child.
• Try to help your child not to feel ashamed if she has times when she forgets and bites.

HAIR PULLING

This usually means pulling hair from their own head, but can be from other parts of their body. Twirling or stroking the hair can be another habit. In young children pulling out hair usually does not last long or cause any health problems. They often do it accompanied by thumb sucking as a kind of comfort when they are tired or in a new situation. Sometimes with older children it continues and can cause obvious bald spots.

• Have a check with your doctor to make sure it is not being caused by any health problem.
• For children under three or so it is best to ignore it, as they will usually "grow out of it" about the time they give up other comfort activities such as the dummy.
• Drawing attention to it and criticising your child is likely to make it worse. It makes the child worried about it and then he will need the comfort it gives even more.
• Try to remove any stresses that could be worrying your child.
• For older children special hair care and attention to attractive hair styles may help. (Short hair is harder to pull out than long hair).
• When you notice it happening do something else such as gentle scalp massage to help your child to relax.

• A cough that goes on is likely to be due to a physical problem such as post nasal drip, asthma or rhinitis (hay fever).
• Sometimes a cough that starts with a cold or other physical cause can develop into a habit.
• Some habit coughs that are due to stress are very different from an ordinary cough, louder and more obvious.
• Have your child checked by a doctor to make sure there is no lingering physical problem.
• Try not to draw attention to the cough, because this is likely to make it worse.
• Look for causes of stress in your child's life and try to deal with these.
• If your child is old enough encourage her to talk about any worries. Just knowing that someone is listening and understands often helps.

TICS

Tics or habit spasms are movements that seem out of the child's control such as blinking, twitching of the face or jerky movements of the arm or shoulder. Blinking a lot may be caused by eyesight problems. Nose twitching may be caused by an allergry. The child can usually stop the tic for a short time if asked, but it comes back when she is not concentrating on stopping it. These are often caused by stress in the child's life eg learning difficulties, family problems. But they can be caused by underlying illness or health problems, and by some medicines, and should be checked by a doctor. Tics can be very distressing to the child and some children with tics are made more unhappy by being teased.

It there is no underlying health problem it is important to try to deal with any stress in the child's life. Relaxation exercises can help. If the tic does not go away after a few weeks and especially if it is very distressing for the child, you can seek help from a health counsellor.

• If your child starts a habit it is a good idea to check with your doctor to make sure it is not being caused by any health problem.
• Make sure that you look for and deal with any stresses that your child may have.
• Use relaxation exercises, tapes, gentle massage to help your child become more relaxed if he is stressed. Watch your child and get to know what helps him to feel calm. For some children this can be more physical activity (eg kicking a ball) and for others it might be something quiet such as listening to music.
• Helping your child find something positive to do instead of the habit is often useful.
• For older children and young people taking up an interest such as art, music or sport can help them to relax.
• Work out what helps you relax, it might help your child as well.

Note: This topic can give some practical suggestions and information about health and behaviour. It is important to see your doctor if you are worried about your child's health as information about a particular illness may not exactly fit for your child.