Single-Parents.net

EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT.

There is a very wide range in what is considered "normal" in how babies and children grow and develop. This varies from the very gifted children to children who take longer to learn new things but will still be able to have a happy life, have a job and contribute to the community. Everyone has a different combination of things they do well and things they are not so good at.

In addition to this, although babies and children all pass through more or less the same stages of development, they grow at different rates.

• Growing and learning is not a smooth slope but there are lots of ups and downs on the way.
• Children often have "spurts" of learning like growth spurts where they seem to be learning something new everyday, then there may be a time of "marking time" while they take in or practice what they have learned.
• There can even be some slip backs, especially if the children are under some emotional stress where they seem to forget what they have learned for a while.
• Sometimes children let one skill go for a while, while they are working hard at learning something new.

For all these reasons, comparing your child with another child, while it is interesting for parents, is not very useful in checking out how your child is going.

However sometimes you know that your child is a bit slower than most of the children of his age in passing developmental milestones, or he seems to be more clumsy than most children, or he starts school and seems to have a lot of difficulty in keeping up with the work. If this happens there are some things you need to think about.

If you are concerned about your child at any time it is your right to have your concerns checked out. The first place to start is probably your local child health centre or your doctor. Let them know your concerns and ask for your child to have a proper check. Occasionally you will meet a professional who does not take your concerns seriously and does nothing but reassure you without checking your child. If this happens you have the right to get another opinion. If you are worried your hunch is likely to be correct because parents usually know their children better than anyone else.

• ear infections causing hearing problems. This is very common and it is important to get it seen to as soon as possible as it can cause your child to have speech and learning problems
• hearing loss from birth or from an illness
• lots of illness and hospitalisation
• birth injury or trauma
• problems with vision
• being born too soon
• family stress which means that the baby does not get consistent loving care in the early weeks and months
• genetic problems.

THE GOOD NEWS IS -

that research shows that even if children have one of the above problems, loving parenting, early treatment and the right opportunities to learn can make a huge difference to how they cope as they grow up.

• If you are worried have your baby or child checked.
• Even if your baby is not demanding, spend lots of time holding, stroking and responding to her little signals. The bonding that you have with your child is one of the most important building blocks for development.
• Provide interesting surroundings for your baby, different things to look at and do.
• Talk to your baby as you do things for her. Use simple words. The more you talk to your baby and young child the more you help her learn to talk for herself.
• Give your baby or child time to try things for herself, but help her if she is becoming too frustrated. For example if she is trying to reach something on the floor you could push it a bit closer she has a chance to get to it so she will have some success.
• Give lots of opportunities to succeed. Even small tasks can make children feel they have some control over their lives and help them feel good. This includes things to help you - everyone needs to feel needed - so even if she does not do it well let your child help you.
• Give lots of encouragement for small successes or getting things partly right. Don't wait until she can do the whole task properly.
• Allow your child enough time to do the things she wants to do.
• Give children lots of opportunity to do things they can do (not always having to practise what they can't), this helps build their self esteem.
• Allow plenty of time for play. Let your child and you have fun.
• Development is a journey, not a race. The best way to check your children's development is to compare what they used to be able to do with what they can do now, rather than compare with other children.
• We all know of children who "grow out of" problems or who did not walk or talk for a long time after others and then suddenly "took off", but it is best to get your child checked early because early help means a better future if there is a problem.

• Most babies and young children will be happy with who they are, as long as they get messages from you that you love them and are proud of what they can do.
• When they start school they will compare themselves with other children, no matter how hard you try to avoid this. It is important to them to be able to join in the games and succeed at school tasks.
• Help your children to build their confidence by finding things they can enjoy and succeed at. Things like fishing, caring for a pet, cooking and growing a garden can all be done without successfully by most children. Follow your children's interests in finding what they would like to do.
• Help them to find groups or clubs and hobbies where they will have opportunities to do well.

Note: This topic can give some practical suggestions and information about health and development. It is important to see your doctor if you are worried about your child's health as information about a particular illness may not exactly fit your child.