There is pressure from all directions to spend money on our children and yet some of
the most valuable things children need cannot be bought. One of the best things we can
give children is a healthy attitude to life. There is a sense of satisfaction and
achievement in knowing that our children are equipped to handle difficulties and
challenges. So much depends on the way we look at life and the messages we give to those
we care about.
Helping children become optimistic and to look at things in a positive way is a step
towards preparing them for a strong future.
WHAT IS OPTIMISM?
Optimism is being able to expect the best out of life's experiences. Being able to look
at the positive things in life helps us to get on top of challenges and manage life's
difficulties. It means having hope and a strong belief and confidence to deal with
situations.
BUILDING OPTIMISM
Building Blocks
There are a number of building blocks that help build optimism. They are:
- having a go
- practising
- coming to terms with success and failure
- planning for the best outcome
- having the belief and confidence to try again.
Some children are born with a 'sunny disposition' and a natural ability that lends
itself to dealing with challenges and solving problems. Other children may struggle to
overcome difficulties, often expecting the worst to occur (making mountains out of
molehills). As children grow and develop they need as many opportunities as possible to
experience success.
- Every time children achieve something they set out to do they start to develop a belief
that they can go on trying and have more successes.
- When children tell themselves that they can do something they are more likely to
succeed. (This is called 'self talk' and it's something we all do to explain things that
happen during the day.)
- Whenever we (as adults) talk about our experiences in front of children we help shape
their beliefs about why successes and failures happen.
Why it's important
Remember the story of the little red engine from your childhood? When faced with the
challenge of climbing the hill, the little red engine said to itself over and over again
'I think I can, I think I can.' As it came nearer to the top of the hill it changed its
chant to 'I know I can!'
OPTIMISM
People who have a positive outlook on life are called optimists. This means they:
- refuse to feel helpless and don't give up when faced with seemingly impossible problems
- expect to succeed and believe in themselves
- are less likely to suffer from depression
- are more likely to think about their past successes and what they did to succeed.
The more optimistic children are, the more able they are to:
- succeed
- have a sense of the future
- make friends
- learn at school.
Optimistic thinking words can be 'maybe, sometimes, usually, possibly, perhaps'.
PESSIMISM
Pessimists are people who feel down and usually expect the worst to happen. They often:
- feel helpless
- think that things are too big, too hard, too difficult
- believe the situation is hopeless and that no matter what they do it won't get any
better
- make 'mountains out of molehills'
- give up without really trying
- become depressed.
Pessimism gets worse with each set-back and soon becomes 'self fulfilling.' For
example, a pessimist would think, 'Every time I try to throw a goal I miss anyway so
what's the point of trying. In fact, it's probably not even worth while going to practice.
I never get picked for the team anyway.'
Pessimistic thinking words can be 'always, never, should, can't.'
WHAT YOU CAN DO
- let your children hear how you make sense of a situation and share
your positive thoughts with them. Research indicates that an optimistic outlook in
children is picked up from the adults who care for them.
'Talk it again' - Say things or use different words to make more positive sense out
of a situation. For instance, if your child says: 'I never have anyone to play with,' you
could respond by saying something like: 'Sometimes it's hard to find a friend, but last
week you had a good time with Mary.'
Tell your own stories of overcoming hardships - 'When I was at school I thought . .
. but then I realised.'
Use stories/videos to inspire, eg:
- The Karate Kid (getting on top of things)
- The Lion King
- The Tortoise and the Hare
- Free Willy.
Give encouragement - what were the thoughts that popped into your head when you
thought you were losing at tennis? How did your thoughts change to enable you to turn
losing into winning? Help your children catch their helpful and unhelpful thoughts and
stick with the helpful ones.
Remember some of the old sayings 'If at first you don't succeed . . . ' 'There's no
such word as can't.' 'Every cloud has a silver lining.'
Draw your child's attention to the media and highlight public figures who have
overcome difficulties eg: winning teams, survivors of hardship. 'What do you think the
your favourite football team were saying to themselves in the finals?'
Believe in your children and help them develop a positive outlook it doesn't cost
anything and it's good life insurance.
