Many parents are worried about their teenagers' sexual well being and want to
protect them from harm and unnecessary suffering. As children grow we teach them how to
protect themselves and tell them what our values are and why we think they way we do. At
some point we have to trust in their ability to care for themselves. They will be in
situations at some time when they need to make decisions and act for themselves. As a
parent of a teenager there are still some useful things that you can do to support your
teenager's sexual safety. The most important of these is to be open and available to talk
with them.
ACCURATE INFORMATION
- It is helpful for teenagers to have both their father and mother talk to them about sex
(where possible).
- If fathers are not interested or involved, teenagers may learn that contraception and
sexual safety are not male responsibility.
- Talk about the sexual choices for young people.
- Include discussions about how to say "no".
- Encourage self assurance and the ability to say "no" without feeling guilty.
- If you really find it too uncomfortable to talk about sex, let your children know that
you find it difficult. You can always use books. There are also others teenagers can talk
to eg Family Planning Clinics, their doctor, family member or one of your friends.
SELF ESTEEM
- Make sure they know that they are loved.
- Understand their need to feel wanted, at home and with friends.
- Let them know that you value them for themselves, whether they are male or female.
- Model mutual respect in your home. This is very important. If people in your home put
each other down, your teenagers will learn to put others down or let others put them down.
If they see other people valued they will learn to value others and to expect to be
treated well. This model will carry over into their sexual lives.
How your teenager feels about himself or herself as a male or female will have a
greater influence, more than anything else, on what he or she does sexually.
Teach your teenager that there are always choices in life
- Choices can be about education, recreation and about personal lifestyle.
- Knowing that there is a choice gives power, for example a young woman may choose a
lifestyle which offers an alternative to having boys and romance as the main interest.
Young men may choose lifestyles which don't involve being tough and competitive.
- Teenage women with less choice are more likely to become teenage mothers.
FACTS ABOUT SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS
You might like to consider the following, which could be useful for your teenager to
know.
- Sexual feelings can be very strong in both boys and girls. They need to understand about
these feelings and how they will know they are aroused. They need to know that once they
get to a point it can be very difficult to turn back from having sexual intercourse.
- An intimate physical relationship without sexual intercourse is possible. There are many
ways of giving and receiving pleasure which don't involve unsafe practices or actual
vaginal intercourse.
- Saying "no" is a perfectly good method of protection but your teenagers need
to:
- want to say "no"
- know how to say "no"
- have this right respected by their partner.
Contraception is only part of safe sex. Contraception is designed to prevent
pregnancy but does not necessarily protect against sexually transmitted diseases and HIV/
AIDS. Protection against sexually transmitted diseases is essential for any young person
having sexual intercourse.
CONTRACEPTION
- Many young people do become sexually active.
- Most teenage pregnancies are unplanned and many end in abortion.
- The alternative, being a very young parent, has major impacts on the life of
women.
- Contraception information needs to be available to young people.
METHODS OF CONTRACEPTION
Contraception reduces the likelihood of pregnancy. It does not reduce or encourage
sexual intercourse.
- Using a contraceptive method based on the safe period needs commitment from both
partners to learn it and stick to the rules. It is not a reliable method for
teenagers.
- If your daughter uses the pill as contraception, her partner will still need to use a
condom and other safe sex practices to protect each of them against sexually
transmitted infections. Boys need to be aware of this.
- Condoms are good as a method of contraception if they are used correctly every
time.
- They need to be put on for any contact between the penis and the vagina or any of the
woman's outside sexual organs - even before intercourse takes place.
- A new one must be used every time.
- Using condoms takes practice, planning, familiarity and a sense of fun.
- For the contraceptive pill to work, it must be taken at the same time every day. If it
is taken more than 12 hours late, pregnancy can happen. Vomiting and diarrhoea can stop it
working, so can some medicines, especially antibiotics. This will need to be
discussed with a doctor.
- IUDs (intra-uterine-devices) are usually unsuitable for teenagers.
- Diaphragms can be (but not always) a difficult first move for teenagers. They do protect
against some STDs, but not all.
- Depo provera is an injectable hormone which provides protection against pregnancy for 3
months at a time.
- Contraceptive implant (Implanon) which gives protection for 3 years.
This device is a thin plastic rod that is placed under the skin of the inner
upper arm. It releases constant small amounts of a hormone called progestogen
into the body.
- The Emergency Contraceptive Pill can be taken up to 72 hours after unprotected sex to
prevent a pregnancy.
All of these options have pros and cons which a Family Planning Clinic or doctor can
explain in full.
Contraception is part of your teenagers' sexual health needs.
Be prepared to discuss all of their issues calmly and to support them. The more adults
they have whom they can trust to share their concerns with, the safer they will be. This
includes their doctor and other health professionals.
REMINDERS
- Set a good foundation in childhood. Let your children know your values.
- How young people feel about themselves will have as much impact on what they do as what
they know.
- In the end young people will make up their own minds. You need to let them know that
even if you don't agree with what they are doing, you will be there for them.
- Try to make it comfortable for your children to talk to you about sex.
