Single-Parents.net

WHAT ARE PARTIES FOR?

Parties are for:

• fun
• an opportunity to share
• a help for teenagers in making friends and being accepted by the group
• an opportunity to meet new friends
• an opportunity to show off their friends to their family (Please don't criticise their friends - even if they do wear their earrings in strange places).
• an opportunity for parents to see their children growing up and socialising (You might be in for some nice surprises).
• an opportunity to learn the skills of entertaining
• a celebration of milestones in growing up. Milestones need to be marked!

WHAT PARENTS CAN DO

When your teenager is invited to a party here are some of the things you might want to do.

• Speak to the parents beforehand to make sure they will be at home.
• Ask the parents if there will be alcohol at the party. Decide whether you think that is appropriate for your teenager (you may have to make a decision based on health and safety which will be unpopular with your teenager in the short term).
• Decide to pick up and deliver your teenager (and some of his friends).
• Don't be afraid to go to the door when you collect your teenager. It is often acceptable to teenagers because they get to stay longer, and you get to meet parents (who may become friends). Going to the door when you drop them off can sometimes embarrass teenagers. However you may need to if you are not sure whether the parents will be home.
• Discuss with your teenagers a time when you expect them to be home. Don't be too different from what other parents decide. (Talk it over with a friend who has teenagers if you feel unsure).
• Ask the parents what, if any, videos will be shown. Teenagers love thrills and suspense but R and X rated movies (and some M rated ones) are not appropriate for young teenagers and may be very disturbing. You may have to make another unpopular decision.
• Check with your teenager that you are both clear about the rules (what is OK behaviour and what is not acceptable).

WHAT YOUR TEENAGERS MIGHT EXPECT TO DO

• Decide what they will wear.
• Have a say in what time they will come home.
• Decide whether they want to go or not.
• Go with someone. It is sometimes difficult for teenagers to go in to parties alone. Make it possible for them to go and come home with a friend, even if it means going out of your way. You may need to transport a friend (or several friends) or take your teenager to the home of a friend to get ready.
• Sometimes have a friend to sleep over after the party - re-living the party can be half the fun.
• Have a friend over so that they can get ready together.
• Choose and buy the present themselves if it is for a birthday party.

If your teenagers are older these responsibilities can gradually be taken over by the teenagers themselves. Eventually they will be making their own decisions. Practise, with you in the "passenger seat", is a good idea.

• Parents have the right to remind older teenagers about being safe, such as not drinking and driving and not being alone in dangerous situations.
• Parents have the right not to be worried and to be told of changes in plans such as homecoming time.

WHEN YOUR TEENAGER IS GIVING A PARTY

If you have young teenagers, here are some things you could reasonably expect to do. Older teenagers might decide not to give a party with these same suggestions.

• Work out with your teenagers how many friends will be invited and what time the party will end. Check exactly what is written on the invitations and have a list of all people invited.
• Expect teenagers to entertain within the family budget limits.
• Expect visitors to obey house rules about smoking. Don't be too heavy handed when you talk to the teenagers about rules.
• Take away alcohol. Watch out for bottles that look like soft drinks but are alcohol in disguise. Some parents take away all bottles of drink when guests arrive and provide for the partly drinks that are popular with teenagers.
• Warn the neighbours about noise beforehand and turn the noise off at midnight.
• Keep an eye on proceedings without being obvious eg bring in a plate of food occasionally.
• Make sure the bedrooms (beds) are occupied by younger children and not available for party guests to sneak into.
• Ask another couple (parents) over for moral support.
• Occasionally check the garden and boundaries.
• Expect your teenagers to help prepare and clean up.
• Expect your property to be respected (although accidents may happen).
• Refuse gatecrashers (even if they thought they had an invitation). This is where the list of guests is very handy.

Noise

• Police will respond to complaints from members of the community about noise.
• If large numbers of people are expected, advise local police early. They will be able to provide advice on legal issues and other issues.

Designated driver

• When planning a party, check how everyone will go home.
• If alcohol will be available, identify a "designated driver" who will not be drinking at all.

REMINDERS

• Helping your teenagers plan for a party can be fun!
• Let your teenagers go to parties, but do your homework first.
• Some teenagers are "nervous" about going to parties and might need support.
• Talk to other parents. They are often feeling the same as you.
• Half of the fun of parties is the getting ready and talking it over afterwards.